Where I write the things I learn so I don't forget

Life

has been really hard lately. I don’t want to just rant on tumblr and feel sorry for myself, but it has. My new job is really stressing me out, unfortunately. But God taught me something today.

I was about to do my laundry tonight, and I have to walk down the hall to the laundry room to do so. So I put on my sweatpants that I wear for just lounging around, and looked for my laundry card so I could pay for the machine. And I could not find it anywhere, I tore my apartment apart. After a certain level of frustration, I said in my head, “GOD PLEASE I NEED MY LAUNDRY CARD RIGHT NOW!” 

Instantly, I looked down, reached into my sweatpants pocket. Boom, laundry card.

What is the greater lesson for me to learn in this?

When I ran around trying to find my laundry card, it was to no avail. I might have ended up buying a new one or something. But when I asked God for help, He helped me. He just wants me to ask Him for help!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

When things get hard with my job, I need to ask Him for help. Or I will just keep running around trying to figure things out, to no avail.

What have I learned?

It’s been 11 weeks in Ohio. That’s a longer time than I thought. Moving to a new state, being surrounded with new people, new job, new church, new responsibilities, new relationship status :), new everything. What have I learned from this? A lot, I think. And it has not been easy.

-God is faithful, and I can trust Him. “He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.”

-Allie is the most beautiful person in the entire world. I don’t deserve her.

-He has a purpose for the situations that I am in, and He wants me to learn and grow from them. Like in Exodus, He let them wander in the desert, but He provided for them through it, and He let them be in that place to teach them.

-Parkside church is an awesome church, and it should be my new home here in OH. I am excited to get to know my brothers and sisters there more!

-My struggles with anxiety are not over.

-I have learned that I can’t look to my performance, or what I do, to define me. (Now actually following through on that is harder still…but at least so far I learned what I need to do).

It has been a really hard couple of months…But God will give me the strength to persevere through this.

Short-sighted

Exodus 16 at church tonight. and John 6. God had just delivered the Israelites from Egypt. They had just been rescued by the Lord but they still asked if God would sustain them and take care of them. When God told them what to do (take all of the manna they needed for one day, no extra), He was testing them. And they disobeyed. Why? They wanted to do things their way, because they were enslaved to their desire for comfort, and they were not able to live out their covenential relationship with the Lord. I, like the Israelites, crave security rather than the One who holds me securely.

In John 6, Jesus had just fed the 5,000. The people just wanted Jesus because they wanted Him to give them more food. But Jesus knew what they really needed. The Bread of Life. I liked this quote from pastor Johnathan Holmes,

“They did not see that God was putting them in a situation that they did not want, to produce a change in them that they could not produce on their own.”

God has a plan for me. And sometimes it is going to be hard. Sometimes I will “wander in the desert for 40 years” but He will provide for me every day, and I need to trust Him and follow His plan, not pursue comfort. Because He is holding me securely and providing for me. So I might have to take a step of faith by being different among non-believers, give up my precious time after work to spend time with the Lord or do something for someone else. I might feel lonely in this new place, without any close friends; I might be overwhelmed by learning things at work, but He has me at this place for a reason - to sanctify me, to test me, to teach me, to bring glory to Himself through me. Please Lord help me to trust You and not be short-sighted.

My Utmost for His Highest Aug 11

“And he saw him no more.” 2 Kings 2:12

It is not wrong to depend upon Elijah as long as God gives him to you, but remember the time will come when he will have to go; when he stands no more to you as your guide and leader, because God does not intend he should. You say - “I cannot go on without Elijah.” God says you must.

Alone at your Jordan. v.14. Jordan is the type of separation where there is no fellowship with anyone else, and where no one can take the responsibility for you. You have to put to the test now what you learned when you were with your Elijah. You have been to Jordan over and over again with Elijah, but now you are up against it alone. It is no use saying you cannot go; this experience has come, and you must go. If you want to know whether God is the God you have faith to believe Him to be, then go through your Jordan alone.

Alone at your Jericho. v.15. Jericho is the place where you have seen your Elijah do great things. When you come to your Jericho you have a strong disinclination to take the initiative and trust in God, you want someone else to take it for you. If you remain true to what you learned with Elijah, you will get the sign that God is with you.

Alone at your Bethel. v.23. At your Bethel you will find yourself at your wits’ end and at the beginning of God’s wisdom. When you get to your wits’ end and feel inclined to succumb to panic, don’t; stand true to God and He will bring His truth out in a way that will make your life a sacrament. Put into practice what you learned with your Elijah, use his cloak and pray. Determine to trust in God and do not look for Elijah any more.

I want

to only seek God’s face and not chase after the things of this world. Not approval of human beings. Not comfort. Not the weekend. Not the week-night. Not busyness. Not success at work. Not avoiding fearful situations by some feeble human method. God will take care of me. Because He loves me, and He gave His Son for me. He has always done that and always will. 

Please Lord help me to see things the way You see them.